


i will see your body bare (and still i will live here)

by moneypennys



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Near Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-18
Updated: 2016-01-18
Packaged: 2018-05-14 06:39:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5733277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moneypennys/pseuds/moneypennys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ahch-To. And what comes after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i will see your body bare (and still i will live here)

**Author's Note:**

> my space kids.  
> title from i will by mitski.

Messages are few and far between.

Rey understands why, perhaps too well, when she can feel Kylo Ren tugging at her mind. He's still looking for Luke. Now for her. At first, it was almost all she could see, sitting in the cold harsh winds of Ahch-To, reaching out for something. He was angry, and _there,_ so present she felt it clawing at her ribcage. In her weakest moments she would want it gone, nearly wishing for the howling sands of Jakku, feeling sick with it.

But then something new came. Master Skywalker taught her how to control, to hone, to properly listen. They would sit, legs crossed, on a small overhang stretching across the ocean, the wind whipping her hair around her. He would tell her to close her eyes, but she couldn't help but crack one open now and then. When she did, and took a sidelong glance at the older Jedi, she dwelled upon how much his face would change during meditation. He looked so at peace, a stark contrast to most times, when his eyes were sad and alone, and all too knowing. 

"The Force is a balance of light and dark. You can't try and block any part of it out."

Rey let her eyes fall shut again, the familiar feeling of Kylo Ren returning. She flinched automatically, but took a breath, allowing it all to run through her mind. 

"Good. Now, focus. Try to sense individual energies, those you have strong connections to."

She reached out, cautiously skimming over the pulsing all through and around her. She could feel Luke beside her, the thrumming energy of the island, and-

"Finn." Rey breathed. He was there. It wasn't what she had heard the Force to be, the tales of telepathy elder women on Jakku would tell her sometimes, when she was small enough they could still justify the shared rations. She couldn't see him, or hear his heartbeat, or feel his skin. But he was  _there._ She opened her eyes with wonder, looking to Luke sitting beside her, a smile ghosting across his lips. 

She realised, suddenly, that it was the first time she had seen him smile since her arrival, when Chewie had almost swallowed him up with fur. She returned it, soft and a little unsure, and it felt like the beginning of something.

Now, she balances carefully on the flat top of a small mountain, her hand clutching at the jagged rock beneath her. Master Skywalker is standing a little way aways, watching her carefully. He's about to speak, when R2 comes trundling towards them, beeping and whistling excitedly. Rey tumbles down, landing ungracefully on hard ground, but quickly jumps up, brushing off her clothes as she clambers towards the droid.

It's the third time they've heard from the Resistance since they arrived two months ago, and as far as Rey has been updated, Finn hasn't woken up yet. She can't help the guilt that seeps through her, she had abandoned him, the one person who had never done that to her. Still, she knows, logically, that training with Luke is really the only way she could truly help him, him and the Resistance. She just needs to remind herself of that from time to time. Rey misses him, is all.

The transmission is short, as it always is, and Rey sits herself down on a patch of grass, running her fingers through it. She's still not used to the slightly damp earth of Ahch-To, the dew that collects on the hills, the rain. R2 whirrs, and there's a flash of blue before the small hologram of General Leia establishes itself before her. Rey can sense Luke hovering behind her, her heart growing a little heavy as she is reminded of the brief stories he had told her about his life before. Rey tugs her knees into her chest, watching carefully as Leia updates them on Resistance missions, the fragments of information they had discovered about the First Order. 

There's a pause in Leia's speech, and she smiles tiredly. "Most significantly- Finn." 

Rey's heartbeat quickens, and she leans closer to the hologram, as if she could somehow will him to be okay and awake and  _okay_. 

"He woke from the coma two days ago. We are unsure yet exactly how much he has been affected but-. The team is optimistic." Leia smiles again, as if she could see Rey, who is almost frozen to where she sits. A shaky hand comes up to touch her face, wiping away the tears that had pooled under her eyes. The picture cuts away, and her stomach lurches, because she can  _see him._ Finn is sat in the med bay Rey had left him in, dark circles under his eyes but smiling, and she nearly reaches out for him.

"Rey." His voice is hoarse, and she holds back more tears, still trembling and-  _god,_ she missed him. He clears his throat. "Hi. They said you were with Luke Skywalker, so." His smile gets bigger. "You've got to show me all those fancy force tricks you've learnt some time." Rey laughs through a sob, scrubbing her nose with the back of her hand. "I'm okay. I hope you are too." A pause. "I'll be here when you get back." Finn says, and Rey believes him.

Later that night, Rey sits in the copilot's chair of the Falcon, the thin blanket she had pulled from her bunk draped over her. She turns the holovid R2 had transferred the message onto over in her hands, before switching it on and setting it on the panel before her. She can't bring herself to skip through Leia's update, so she sits back, already feeling as though she is watching a transmission from home. The recording reaches Finn's part quickly, and Rey's heart anchors itself to the boy flickering in front of her.

*

A few months pass and Rey is back in the pilot seat of the Falcon. It still feels not quite right, after Han, especially now that Luke Skywalker is returning with them. They haven't talked about Han, and Luke spends most of his time on the ship alone, or sitting with R2 quietly by his side. Rey doesn't know how exactly to articulate how how grateful she is for him, instead hoping if she feels it hard enough he'll understand.

The trip back to D'Qar is long, and she tinkers with the still rather decrepit ship to pass the time, Chewie beside her, telling her stories of the Falcon, of Jabba the Hutt, of Lando Calrissian. It's hard for Rey to wrap her head around, sometimes, that it was all true. That she's a part of it now. 

Luke becomes slowly more at ease during the journey, and keeps up his training of her during the final stretch, giving an odd smile when a laser drone zaps her as she misses the shot with her lightsaber. C3-P0 teaches her how to play holochess, though Chewie keeps butting in with his own tips and rules, while Master Skywalker watches them, amused. Rey thinks she could get used to this. It's quiet and easy, and she still misses Finn, but. It's nice.

Her stomach still lurches with anticipation as they get close enough to D'Qar to see it, feeling dizzy as she watches from the cockpit, a sea of people had gathered to greet them as they descend, whooping and cheering. She can't bring herself to search the crowd for Finn, worry building in her throat. He'll be there. She knows it. Still, as the door slides open and the ramp descends, she pulls in a breath, keeping to the back as Luke quietly greets his sister before Chewie tackles her into a hug, and as BB-8 beeps at C3-P0. Slowly, she steps out onto landing pad, her new lightsaber weighing heavy on her belt, looks up.

And lets out the breath. He's standing in front of her, grin splitting his face in half, but she can tell he's holding back. She bridges the gap for him, running into his chest and wrapping her arms tight around his neck. 

Finn laughs, bright, and she thinks it's probably the best sound in the world. "Hi."

Rey only grips him harder, and she wonders if it should be weird, how easy it is with him. "Hi." She finally manages, still not letting go.

"I missed you." He breathes, and she can feel it on her neck, can feel him burying his face into her shoulder.

"Me too."

She finally unwraps herself from around him, leaning back just far enough to meet his eyes. He smiles, softer now, and her heart flips. Rey glances down, and sees the stark white bandage poking out from under his shirt. The memory of the fight with Kylo Ren returns sharply, and she steps back, concern now filling her voice. "Are-are you okay? General Leia said they weren't sure how much you wo-"

Finn takes her hand and squeezes. "I'm fine."

Her eyebrows furrow.

"Well- not  _fine_. But I will be. I promise." 

She can't help but fall forward into him, her head resting against his chest. "Okay."

Rey's not sure how long they stay like that, but she lifts off of him when Poe Dameron is standing beside them. She had met Poe, briefly, before leaving for Ahch-To. He was kind, and sat with her at Finn's side. She could tell Finn was important to him too.

"Rey." He greets, cheerily. "Good to see you again."

Rey smiles, genuine. "You too." A beep from below, and she looks down to see BB-8 ramming into her feet. She laughs, and kneels down, giving the droid a little pat on the head. "Hey, BB-8. I missed you too."

Finn still walks with a limp, but he's happy, joking and giving Poe shit as they walk back to the base, a ways behind the rest of the crowd. She had worried, momentarily, on a quiet night on the Falcon, that perhaps she wouldn't fit back in to his new life. But Poe cracks a joke and nudges her shoulder, and Finn slips her a secret smile now and then. She's spent her whole life wanting a family. Maybe it's this.

*

There's a small celebration in the mess hall, with wine and fancy fruits with colours she's not sure she's ever seen before, but General Leia brings she and Luke into her quarters to catch them up to speed first. Rey thinks Luke is relieved, she can't imagine he would enjoy something like this, his eyes still sad and face tired. She's a little relieved too. Finn is waiting outside when Leia dismisses her, catching her by surprise. 

She frowns. "Why aren't you in the mess? Don't you want to celebrate with everyone?"

Finn ducks his head. "Yeah, but.  _You're_ here. And you know, I figured you probably wouldn't want to be around everyone. Not just yet." He offers her a grin, which she returns automatically. "And we have wine, and I don't really want to get drunk for the first time with anyone but you, so."

Rey looks down to see a bottle in his hands, and inspects it. "I've never gotten drunk before either." She furrows her eyebrows. "Is it safe? Can you drink it while you're recovering? Don't you have medication?'

"It's fine. Really."

She nods decidedly, and pulls the bottle from him. "Alright then." Rey smiles tentatively, and he returns with a megawatt grin.

Of course it doesn't take them long at all to get pleasantly tipsy, and Rey is sprawled beside Finn on his bunk, easily taking up 90% of the space. She looks over at him, studying his face.  

"I miss Jakku sometimes." She says, quietly, feeling raw and honest and it's  _Finn_. "Is that bad?"

He turns his head to look at her, and she can feel his shoulder pressed against hers. "No." And it's like it's open-ended. Like she can tell him more if she wants, but he's not pressing her.

She adores him.

"I just. _Knew_ there. How to be. I don't know how to be-" she waves her arm about haphazardly. "Here."

Finn doesn't speak, but he finds her hand and loops his fingers through it, and somehow that's enough. It's quiet for a moment, and she can just hear him breathing, steady beside her. "I'm glad you're here." He says, softly.

It takes her a moment to process that. The fact that she has someone who cares like that. Cares enough to come back, to want her to come back. "Yeah. Me too." 

Rey wakes up still in his bed, his arm thrown across her stomach. His head is turned into the crook of her neck. She thinks she knows how to be with him.

 *

Rey slips into an easy routine at the resistance base, still training with Master Skywalker, but also working maintenance on ships, Poe even promising to give her some proper coaching. She sits in on briefings, eats in the mess with Finn and Poe and Karè and Iolo and Jess.

She sleeps on the Falcon. It's the most she's ever felt she's belonged in a physical place, the bunk she had been sleeping on since leaving for Ach-To feeling familiar and safe. But she still gets sad, sometimes. Only sometimes, though it becomes all consuming, feeling like the five year old on Jakku, somehow claustrophobic in a never-ending desert. 

One night, after she's clambered her way from the ship, shivering and hot with the taste of vomit still in her mouth, she seeks out Finn. She knows the way to his quarters like it's second nature, having walked it almost everyday since her arrival. His room still looks like a medical ward. He had been transferred out of the medbay, but he's to be kept under observation, with IV stands in the corner and a powered down heart monitor near his bed. The droid in the hall nods at her as she eases the door open, giving a beep of confusion but nothing more. Rey keeps her distance from the bed, suddenly feeling guilty as her brain slowly recovers from it's sleep induced auto-pilot. She nearly backs out of the room, when Finn makes a sleepy noise and stirs, turning under the thin sheets.

"Who- Rey?" He whispers, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Are you okay?"

She nods, padding her way towards him. His eyes are sleepy, his face soft, and she feels something tug at her heart. "I couldn't sleep. Sorry- I. I forget I'm not by myself anymore. Sometimes." 

 "Oh." He breathes, and shuffles over to the far right of the bed, his eyes drifting shut again, as if it's nothing. Rey just stares at the now open space beside him, and he hums. "Come on, then."

She huffs, and climbs in next to him, curling her body towards his. Their knees knock together, and he definitely snores, but she can see the steady rise and fall of his chest, and when he's finally given the all clear, it's the easiest thing in the world to suggest he stay on the Falcon.

The third night of Finn sleeping in the bunk across from her, he screams.

Rey starts, automatically looking over at him, seeing him shaking and spasming under the sheets. 

She crosses the floor in two steps, and kneels down by his head. "Finn." 

He stays asleep, and there's sweat beading on his forehead. Cautiously, she lifts a hand to his shoulder and shakes lightly. "Finn.  _Finn_."

He stirs, Rey breathing a sigh of relief. His eyes flutter open slowly and fixate on her, dark and exhausted and terrified. "Rey?"

"You-you were having a nightmare."

He sits up, scrubbing a hand over his face. "Yeah. Yeah, sorry for waking you up."

Rey frowns, studying his face. She doesn't know how to  _do this._ It seems as though it comes so naturally to him, the kindness, the softness of his action. She wants to help, anger boiling quiet in the pit of her stomach. He doesn't deserve this. He's _good_. The best person she knows. "No. It's fine." She leans back on her haunches. "Are you okay?"

Finn nods, too hurried to be sincere. "Yeah. I'm fine, go back to sleep."

"I." She thinks. "I can stay. If you want."

He meets her eyes, and she silently pleads for him to understand. Finn finally nods, and the tips of her ears turn a little pink. She slides onto the mattress, all too aware of the amount of distance Finn had put between the two of them. She's reminded, briefly, of Starkiller Base, of returning from Ahch-To, his hesitance. So she reaches out, twisting her hand in his shirt, and he falls in beside her easily, his head dipping closer to hers, his shoulders losing their tension. She's there, like he is for her, and she hopes that's enough.

The two of them spend a lot of their down time on the Falcon, him reading aloud while she tinkers with spare parts she's squirrelled away. They play holochess and Poe laughs at their terrible alcohol tolerance. When it's dark and quiet they swap stories of lonely childhoods, hands tangled together.

Three months in, she hears his laugh across the mess and she finds she has come to live in the way his eyes crinkle, and she's never loved anyone like this before.

*

He kisses her one day, when they've just come back from a mission, and it's raining and Rey's dragged him out in it because she will never  _ever_ get tired of it. His smile is shy and beautiful, and she grins back. She's doesn't know how to do any of this. But she's learning. 

 


End file.
